is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
