guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I want to fling myself into the sun
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
