Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Boobs are out for the taking
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
