She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
