Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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