No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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