yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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