I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Randomize
