Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
