You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
