I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
