you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
