remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
