The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The power of my boobs compel you
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