Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
