new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
