I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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