meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
