One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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