I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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