I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
