College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
