and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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