he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
