I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
