I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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