I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
