I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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