Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
