No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
