The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
