I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
