I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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