Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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