"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
