how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Vodka?
Forever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
