yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
