At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
