just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
