Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
