If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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