umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
