somebody snuck up and got me drunk
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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