I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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