i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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