oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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