Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
