it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
