marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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