she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
