I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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